I'm Tired and I Need Somewhere to Begin
by boredanddelirious
Summary: Takes place shortly after Sirius's death. Remus is dealing with grief in his own way, and finds himself on the roof of the Shrieking Shack. One-shot.


**A/N:** Well, hello there, children! I have emerged from the depths of higher learning with a few scrapes, but I'm still breathing! And I've got a one-shot fic here! Yay for one-shots!   
So this one I wrote in response to a challenge on the livejournal community, hp500fic, and after I wrote it, I had to whittle it down to less then 500 words. But this is the un-whittled version, in full-blown long-windedness.   
The challenge was to have a 500 word (or less) fic, inspired by **somewhere to begin** (from the song Somewhere Only We Know by Keane). I personally still haven't heard the song, but I looked up the lyrics, and they look like the makings of a good song. hehe.   
Anyways! Enough of my inane rambling and on to the fic-ness. 

b.a.d.   
-----------------------

Remus Lupin sat at the kitchen table, in number twelve, Gimmauld Place. His hands covered his tired eyes, yet somehow it was more comfortable to keep them open, unnaturally wide. He was exhausted, but kept putting off sleep. A book lay open in front of him, but even the lure of the safe and familiar pages in front of him didn't seem to satisfy his need for distraction.

It was three days since Remus had left the Department of Mysteries. He had slept some. He had cried some, the same day that Sirius had died, after everyone had gone. But he still wasn't reconciled.

Since he'd first had friends, Remus found he had knack for making people feel better. He'd play the peacemaker, make them see reason and sense when he could. But since two days ago, people had been trying to comfort _him_. And, to be honest, he didn't know how to take it. He didn't like accepting help. He'd rather solve things on his own, keep things inside. Molly and Arthur's kindness towards him was almost too much to bear. He found himself wishing one of them would leave dungbombs under his pillow and tell him to stop wallowing in self-pity. Was it asking too much to be made fun of once in a while! Sometimes kindness hurts.

Before he realized what he was doing, he'd left the dank and grimy House of Black, and had apparated just outside of the Hogwarts grounds. Technically, non-students and -staff weren't allowed on school grounds, but having previously filled the roles of student, teacher and marauder, the gargoyle at the entrance gate merely winked at him as he passed. He soon found that his feet had carried him to the Whomping Willow, just outside of the reach of its dangerous limbs.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He kind of wanted to talk to Harry, but it would be a little weird, him turning up suddenly, without any other reason than an unsettled feeling within him. It was late, so the students were all inside, but the sun hadn't quite set yet.

He picked up the longest stick he could find, dodging a few vicious branches 'til he could reach the knot at the base of the old and twisted tree and froze it, allowing him entrance beneath it. Running from the tree's grasp had given him a bit of adrenaline, and, suddenly feeling like an energetic teenager, he ran the length of the tunnel, not slowing down until he was in the dusty Shack.

He climbed stairs until he reached the attic, half-ran to the west-facing window, and ripped off the old planks that had once locked him in on so many nights before. He climbed out the window, and swung himself out onto the roof.

His heart was still pumping as he sat there, blood rushing through his veins, trying to recover from the exertion he had put his body through.

_I feel so old. _He laughed as soon as the words had left him. He had said the exact same thing the last and only other time he'd sat on this roof. He was seventeen then. Sirius's voice came floating back to him through the memory of that day. 

_"Of course you feel old! You worry like a 40-year-old. No wonder you're going grey." His friend sat next to him, resting on his elbows and watching the red glow from the sky disappear._

_Remus felt embarrassed that someone other than him had noticed that bits of his tawny hair had grey hairs here and there. "I can't help that. And worrying's got nothing to do with it."_

_"Riiight. You worry about about how Peter's doing in Potions, you worry about whether Prongs and Evans can go two dates without hexing each other, you worry over how the number of detentions on my school records might discourage prospective employers from hiring me, you even worry about who _Snivelly_ hangs out with, for Merlin's sake! It's tiring just _knowing_ that you worry about all of those things! You might feel (and act) your age if you'd just worry about Moony once in a while!" And with that, Sirius had shoved Remus right off the roof, leaving him dangling from the eaves trough._

_"What the hell are you doing! Trying to kill me?" Remus had shouted at his friend, trying to get a better grip on the gutter._

_Remus looked up as he saw Sirius peering down at him from above an evil grin. "What are you worried about now, Moony?"_

_"You're insane Padfoot! You're _insane_ and I'm going to have you committed!"_

_"Stop worrying about my sanity! Your knuckles look white, are you having trouble hanging on?"_

_Remus glanced at the ground below, a good 35 foot drop at the least. It would certainly hurt if he fell._

_"Looks like a painful fall, to me, Moony!" called Sirius from above._

_His fingers were losing their grip, and his arms were tired of sustaining the weight of the rest of him._

_"What is _wrong_ with you, Sirius!"_

_"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Remus? You're going to fall you know."You pushed me__, you git!"You're__ in this mess, now get yourself out of it!"_

_____"Sirius, could you just help me up!" shouted a frustrated Remus._

_____"Thank god, I thought you'd never ask!", and in a split second, Sirius's arm clamped around his and had hoisted Remus back onto the roof._

_____Remus sat there, massaging his strained hands, breathless. "Are you mad?"_

_____"No, but I was getting quite worried about you there. Honestly, you're the nutter who was hanging rakishly off the roof for five minutes without asking for assistance. It's a wonder you've lived this long without the proper need for self-preservation."_

_____"Well I'll be on my guard whenever you're around from now on!"_

_____"Oh, please. You'd be splattered on the ground by now if it weren't for me."You pushed me_

_______"And you'll be eternally grateful for it, too." Smiled Sirius._

Remus couldn't help but smile now, inspite of the hollow feeling inside of him. His eyes stung a bit, as he peered over the edge of the roof he'd once furiously dangled from. It was a pretty steep fall.

Maybe he would take the Weasley's up on their offer for dinner, after all. He _could_ use the company. After one last look at the beautiful evening sky, Remus disapparated to the Burrow.


End file.
